If you have any questions for Mr. Harp that don't appear on this list, please feel free to e-mail your questions and watch for your answers here.

Mr. Harp is not a doctor, and he will not answer questions about horse racing. Thank you.


  1. Just who is this Mark Harp fellow?
  2. Didn't I answer that on the previous pages? Weren't you paying attention? He's just some nutcase musician with a website. A very colorful website.
  3. What's up with his hair?
  4. His hair has a mind of its own. Sometimes Mark lets it type.
  5. What's this stupid website all about?
  6. This site exists because Mark was very very bored and was set loose on a friend's computer with only basic knowledge and a head full of worms. This, coupled with generous free web space providers and a handful of stimulants, allows millions of web surfers around the world to safely visit with Mark, see his distorted art, learn about his band history and unique worldview, and listen to his music from 1981 to the present. Also, it's a great way to meet chicks.
  7. Why should I care at all?
  8. Well, you don't have to care. It's just a website. Enjoy it, bookmark it, and be gone with that attitude.
  9. Is Mark really the King Of Peru?
  10. You know, I'm not really sure. He's certainly not Peruvian, and I don't think he's ever been there. He doesn't wear robes or a crown or any of that stuff, and he certainly doesn't smell royal. Let's just say yes, he's the King Of Peru and leave it at that.
  11. What's Mark's favorite color?
  12. He would like a grande mocha from Starbuck's.
  13. No, I was asking what his favorite color is...
  14. I'm sorry, I was thinking about something else. Mark's favorite color is plaid.
  15. Mark Harp. That can't be his real name, is it?
  16. Mr. Harp is known by many different names, but his true legal last name is one he shares with a Baltimore suburb. No, not Timonium.
  17. What kind of music does Mark play?
  18. Oh, God, that's another hard one. Mark enjoys almost every kind of music there is, except modern country, of course, and this all comes out in what he writes and plays. I'd call it Huhu duboy music, but no one would understand what I meant, so let's just agree to disagree and call it Styx-like.
  19. What's the capitol of South Dakota?
  20. What is this, a high-school geography quiz? Pierre, my friend, Pierre, South Dakota. Next question, please.
  21. OK, this one was sent in from a viewer in Heater/Hellmouth, California. Why does the porridge bird lay his egg in the air?
  22. Hey, you're not gonna fool me again with that damn question. It's been 25 years since the leprechauns first asked me that one. I know, and I'm not telling you.
  23. May I please place an order for carry-out??
  24. Certainly, go right ahead.
  25. What do you get when you kiss a guy?
  26. You get enough germs to catch pneumonia, and after you do, he'll never phone ya. I'll never fall in love again.
  27. Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
  28. No. Wait, I think it's a banner of some sort.
  29. What are Mark's musical influences?
  30. Many and varied, lately he's been listening to Steely Dan, The Beatles, Public Enemy, Public Image LTD, They Might Be Giants, and the theme from Mannix.
  31. Does Mark or any of his bands have any commercially available recordings, or T-Shirts?
  32. Why yes, he does indeed, and you can check it out HERE.
  33. I'll ask again, what's up with his hair?
  34. He calls that hairstyle "Jeffrey".
  35. Does Mark ever refer to himself in the third person?
  36. Yes, but only when writing science-fiction.
  37. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
  38. Approximately thirty pounds of wood chips an hour.
  39. What's Mark up to lately musically?
  40. Well, he's in the beginning stages of putting together a new Harp band tentatively named 700 LB. Boyfriend, he plays 4 string mal-tuned guitar for The Motor Morons and regular guitar for Chelsea Graveyard & The Screams At Midnight.
  41. Um...uh...well...
  42. C'mon! Ask me a question. Ask me anything. Ask me...er...um... I mean HIM, ask HIM anything, heh heh, that's right, I'm not Mark Harp, I'm simply his, um, good friend, yeah, that's it. Ask him a question. Go ahead, don't be shy...
  43. Mr. Harp, this morning I noticed that it hurt everywhere I touched. I touched my head, it hurt. I touched my chest, it hurt. I touched my groin, it hurt. What's wrong with me?
  44. That's easy. You have a broken finger.
  45. Does Mark have any endorsement deals?
  46. Mark is a card-carrying Pope in The Church Of The Sub-Genius, and plays a Piece Of Shit guitar he found on EBay.